Crush®

Parody of Selena Gomez's song "[It was just a] Crush"


I guess I should have known it wasn't gonna end okay
Cola is caffeine-loaded but I like it just that way
A bomb that's ticking with neither one of us to taste
Just like a countdown ready to blow
I sat around and thought how I wanted to taste that brew
No matter what you think, everyone does not like this brew
You think I'd like something but Coke®, baby it's not true
Caffeinate me
The orange tastes like dust
I didn't get a rush
It was Orange Crush®
I cry when I drink such
I have tasted too much
I'll throw away the pop there's nothing that I'll use
The thing I never wanted to drink I owe it all to you
I just won't help myself
It's just what you drink 'Cause this is orange, not a Coke®
Caffeinate me
The orange tastes like dust
I didn't get a rush
It was Orange Crush®
I cry when I drink such
I have tasted too much
You'll be fine, just find another to give this pop
Won't be long until they're more than ready to stop

I Won't Swallow These Pies

Due to the interest shown in my other parodies of Selena Gomez, I'm posting this one even though it was written some time ago.  It parodies her song "I Won't Apologize [for who I am]"


You gave me some dessert
And I thought that I would eat
You were servin' deservin'
No one to eat your pies
It's all yam and crust
It's not the pie that we discussed
No its not the same thing
I guess it is pure yam and pure yuck
I can't eat what you want me to eat
I'm sorry for chewin'
I'm sorry I had to have a taste
Believe me it's better than your pumpkin jam
But I won't swallow these pies made out of yam
Remember at the go
You said it was made from potato
But it wasn't the 'tato
That you knew I did know, and
I tried to accept it
I didn't know it was so bad
But it was, and I won't
Swallow it 'cause it sure don't make me glad
I will even have to spit it
I'm sorry for chewin'
I'm sorry I had to have a taste
Believe me it's better than your pumpkin jam
But I won't swallow these pies made out of yam
I think the taste
Is total waste
'Cause I couldn't spit out the pie with enough haste
It was disgraced
I don't want it to be graced
Sorry
Throw it out I won't taste it again
I'm sorry for chewin'
I'm sorry I had to have a taste
Believe me it's better than your pumpkin jam
But I won't swallow these pies made out of yam
I'm sorry for chewin'
I'm sorry I had to have a taste
Believe me it's better than your pumpkin jam
Why should I swallow these pies?
No I won't swallow these pies made out of yam

Filtered through Fluff

This poem is in the Irish form rannaigheacht mhôr (the great versification), which is reputed to be the most difficult form in the world.  It requires cadence, generic rhyme, generic consonance, dissonance, alliteration & echo - all in set patterns.

Filtered through Fluff




Moonlight falls, filtered through fluff
like a waltz you wilting catch
through rain's wrath—just a touch,
just a tang, half of a half.

We walk by the river road,
talking tall till giver God
leaves to light the spinning globe.
We grieve that the night is robbed

by the Cross of Christ alone.
Laws of love stretch to have room
righteous and romantic rain.
Bright dances and moans the moon.

Big Tuition

This one is a parody of Selena Gomez's "Intuition"


Feel like I'm going to school, whoa, whoa
Yesterday I was just a fool, whoa, whoa
Well I'm flat broke, yeah I've been there before
But I keep my head up 'cause I can always borrow more
I made the choice to be the best that I could ever be
That's why I'm going to the big university
Gonna borrow my big tuition
To the college that I 'list in
Everything's gonna be all paid
It's gonna be Sallie Mae
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh . . .
Oh, oh, oh, it's gonna be Sallie Mae
Borrow my big tuition
It's gonna be Sallie Mae
I gotta get into college, whoa, whoa
I always need more knowledge, whoa, whoa
What's the payment compared to the debt of the world
Quit trying to hit every man woman boy and girl
Better borrow all it
Within a single debt
Tomorrow's never promised so I might not even have to pay
All I know is to school I'm gonna go
And looking back I'll see all that I then know
Right it gets so confusing
Feel like I will know what I'm doing
But I trust my loan, and in the end
It'll turn out better than when it began
You see what's meant to be is going to happen
You know it's gonna be Sallie Mae

Off the Chain

This is a parody of Selena Gomez's song "[Your Love Is] Off the Chain"

Racing
He's shaken up my pacing
Because your dog is chasing
It's your dog I know
Running
Because I saw him coming
Barking he's so cunning
O why did you let him go?
A thousand hounddogs barking I can
Hear the catcher parking as he
Calls his name
Your Rover's off the chain
The bitches go so crazy and you
Find his speed amazing and I
Can explain
Your Rover's off the chain
Coming
Your setter keeps on coming
He bites my ankle, crushing
Skin and bone and so much more
Just when
When I least expect it
He makes me feel bone-naked
Like nothing I felt before
I'm not the type who gets crazy for setters
Odds of my trippin' have just got better
Limping in the leg your dog did get—grrr
For Rover
Your rover
Changes everything
Everything is changed
Everything is changed
Everything is changed
Your Rover's off the chain

Cross-tree of Christ: Englynion

The englyn is the most intricate form I have ever attempted.  There is far more going on than meets the eye, yet giving the forms it unique flavor.  The 8 strict englynion are the first of the 24 Welsh "strict meters".



Cross-tree of Christ: Englynion


1) englyn penfyr

Cross-tree of Christ, of wooden structure,
pure day poured on you, as did
all midnight—and it madly flowed.

2) englyn milwr

Cross-tree of Christ, say which can
man or woman more love: sin
in bloom? your fruit, free, ripe, brown?

3) englyn unodl union

Cross-tree of Christ, in you will life rejoice
  voice till stars at last all
fall; so Satan fell to hell;
—well, you will make life whole

4) englyn unodl crwca

Cross-tree of Christ, your love-lace,
grace-craft, sacrifice-art, peace-
piece, surpasses so the price and worth of
  love's grand things men engross.

5) englyn cyrch

Cross-tree of Christ, can I sing,
ring bowls, bells, practice drumming,
ding triangles, try gongs—look-
ing on your yearning for wrong?

6) englyn proest dalgron

Cross-tree of Christ, of pure pain,
plain to no pulse, serpentine
sign on you, sin on your bone,
own me—I'm a man, a moon.

7) englyn lleddfbroest

Cross-tree of Christ, blood its fuel,
cruel, ludicrous, if I'll
smile on its stone hate, who'll
fool, born from burn and boil?

8) englyn proest gadwynof

Cross-tree of Christ where I rave,
grave of granite where I grieve—
thieving holding hell, you shave
grave, and cross-tree, Christ, you leave.

I Don't Know Who To Pity Most

While working on putting together my collected poems, I found in my first chapbook (The Bewildered Gymnast) this poem that in many ways pleased me, and in many ways did not.  Then I figured out I could make it into a much better poem by stripping almost half of it away.  So here's the new version:

Hosea 1:2-9
Isaiah 20:2-4
Ezekiel 4:1-3.10-13

Those who loved Hosea most
begged him not to get married
to a prostitute, but he,
convinced by divine command,
ignored them.  His loved ones hurt
to see him court disaster.

Those who loved Isaiah most
were distressed beyond degree
That he thought God had told him
to run three years in the nude.
They tried to reason with him
as their hearts cried out in love.

Those who loved Ezekiel most
were crushed to find him cooking
his food on dung and playing
out fancies of destruction.
Love weeps, but how to reason
with demented religion?